My daughter’s ex-boyfriend is interning in my office. Can I tell HR he’s a creep?

Each week Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions about workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: preventing a sexting scandal, burning eyes and a backfill hire with a fancy new title.

Over several years, my daughter’s ex-boyfriend sexted and sent unsolicited photos of his penis to some of her friends and acquaintances. He is very bright and has now obtained an internship at the professional firm where I work. Am I obliged to tell HR, or should I stay quiet? I am worried he may continue this behaviour with colleagues or clients.

This is a genuinely difficult issue, but it is not a situation you have created; his behaviour has done that. I can’t imagine how hard this has been for your daughter and, by extension, you. Before you do anything, it is important you are clear as to your level of certainty about what actually happened. Did any of the friends or acquaintances make a complaint to the police? Did you see the images yourself or were you simply told about them? Are you confident they were unsolicited?

If you have direct knowledge of what happened or credible evidence of repeated non-consensual conduct, then you might consider making a confidential disclosure to a senior person in HR. Keep your account entirely factual and explain what you know and why you have concerns. It is then for HR to decide what happens next. Your only role, if you feel you need to act, is to raise the issue – you will have no say in determining what happens after that and will need to be satisfied with the outcome whatever it might be.

While any disclosure you make will be treated confidentially, you should also consider it likely the ex-boyfriend has probably been worried you might say something and so will likely guess it was you who made the disclosure. If he tries to retaliate in any way, you must make sure HR is aware.

The cleaners at work have been spraying a carpet deodoriser every week, and it burns my eyes. I have made multiple requests to both the cleaners and to management to have this stopped, but my boss just told me to open a few windows and said no one else had complained. My doctor gave me a few days off work as my eyes were puffy, and he said I had a severe chemical irritation. When I returned to work, my boss called me in and threatened me that if I went onto workers’ compensation over this, that it would not look great for any career ambitions I had with the company and told me I was completely overreacting and making a big deal of it. I don’t know what to do.

Frankly, your boss’s response is even more concerning than the spray being used. Your boss has been told about a medical injury caused by a hazard at work, and you have been threatened with a negative impact on your career if you seek workers’ compensation. That is a problem – for your boss and the organisation – on many levels.

You need to keep a record of everything, including what your boss has said and when. Keep all the medical evidence you have and the earlier requests to change the deodoriser. You can then make a formal notification of a medically documented workplace injury to HR or your health and safety representative and ask for your exposure to be limited to the area while the risk is assessed. At the same time, you might like to report your concerns about the risk to your career for raising the matter. If this fails, get in touch with your workplace safety regulator or your union.

This week, I returned to my role after spending 11 months elsewhere in the team. The person who backfilled me has now been appointed for 12 weeks to a newly created project manager role, despite having no project experience. They are also continuing to perform my role for several weeks under the guise of a handover. Management brushed off my concerns, saying the arrangement is only temporary. The inflated title implies authority and status the work does not warrant and feels like a professional slap in the face. Am I overreacting?

Yes, I think you may be overreacting. It is a bruise to your ego for sure, but challenging the title itself is unlikely to get you anywhere. Try to focus only on what might be impacting you doing the job you are employed to do. A handover should have an end date so check with your manager to confirm who should be doing what over that period. I would avoid focusing on the level of experience you feel your colleague has. It could look like you only care about titles and status for yourself and not what might be best for the team. Good luck.

To submit a question about work, careers or leadership, visit kirstinferguson.com/ask. You will not be asked to provide your name or any identifying information. Letters may be edited.

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