Brendan Pang cried in the car when he came out to his mum – her reaction was priceless

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week, he talks with Brendan Pang. The cookbook author, 33, competed on MasterChef Australia twice and has more than 2 million followers on online platforms. His latest book is This is a Book About Rice.

True or false: you came out to your mum just before you went on MasterChef? True. I was 24, working as a social worker, couldn’t take leave without pay, so had to let everything else go in my life to go on MasterChef. So I’m doing all these massive things, but I didn’t really feel fully true to myself. I just kept thinking: “I could be away from home for six months, my life could change, and a lot of people are going to see this on TV,” so I wanted the people closest to me to know I was gay. When I told Mum in the car, I was crying. But she was like, “I already knew, but I wanted you to tell me.”

You later came out publicly, too. What responses from the public stayed with you? Once I did a TEDx talk, and my coming-out story was part of it. This young guy shooting the talk – a teenager – came up to me afterwards and said, “Your story has inspired me to come out as well.” So getting to be a role model for gay Asian Australians – and second-generation Asians, too – is pretty special.

What turns you off in a guy? Oh, so many things [laughs]: a guy who doesn’t know how to wash or dry his clothes properly. Someone who’s preachy. Someone who’s not motivated. Someone who doesn’t care about himself.

You don’t want a mess is what I’m hearing. So what turns you on in a guy? Basically, the opposite of all those things: someone who smells great. Someone who has ambition. Someone who has self-respect.

Lead me through a menu for an ideal date-night meal. Always go for something light and fresh. Nothing too garlicky, nothing too spicy. It’s funny: I actually cooked for my boyfriend at the beginning …

Ah, you caught him with food! What did you cook? Well, I always try to find out what people’s dietaries are, and ask a few questions about the things they like. He said he was pescatarian and hated coriander. So I made crispy prawn wontons with a nice, tangy dressing and a little mayo on the side. I also got some local scampi, poached them in butter and made a little Vietnamese salad and steamed rice rolls. Nice, simple flavours.

Classy. Settle this for me: should a romantic meal come before or after sex? Sex after dinner.

Did you feel attractive growing up in your body? [Immediately] No.

Wow, that was a very quick “no”. Some context: I’m Chinese-Mauritian, but look mostly Chinese, and was born and grew up in Perth. So I think I had a lot of inner struggles with my body growing up in a white-dominant place. Apparently, when I was a kid, I’d say to Mum, “I wish I had blond hair” – which is quite sad. Later, I was also around a lot of guys who weren’t into Asian guys, and I felt I’d never want to date an Asian person myself. But I’ve come a long way.

When you say you’ve come a long way, what changed? Up until recently, I lived in Taiwan. I was, like, “Wow, there are actually a lot of guys here who I find attractive.” The experience actually made me feel a lot more confident about myself.

What skill do you wish you had? To speak other languages.

Which superpower would you want to have? The ability to stop time: it goes by so fast.

What superpower do you actually have? To be able to connect with people through food.

Does it feel like a death when you’re eliminated from MasterChef? Well, I’ve done it three times now, so I’m used to it! [In his first season, Pang was eliminated, then returned through a challenge to finish ninth.] The first time? Oh god, I cried so much on TV. Honestly, it really felt like you were dying or it was the end of the world. But I was so much younger and had put everything aside for this thing that could change my life. I remember Gary [Mehigan, MasterChef judge] coming up to me and saying, “People die. Why are you crying?” [laughs]. But I’m more resilient now.

Are the meals you cooked that led to you being eliminated now triggers? Do you remember each of them? I do. The very first one was an undercooked steak.

I mean, steak is a hard feat for anyone. [Nods] Then, when I got back into the competition, I had to cook fish.

So it’s all protein-related? It’s all protein! Which I’m OK at now, it’s fine! [Laughs] But I was such a perfectionist that I would get everything else ready: I’d get the sauces and garnishes ready, I’d run around making the dish look pretty, and then I’d leave the main thing to last.

So it still had a heartbeat? Yeah, basically!

Do you tend to comfort-eat or lose your appetite when you’re sad? Comfort-eat, for sure.

What are you comfort-eating? Fried chicken. Melted-cheese toasties. Chocolate. Everything.

Can you lead me through what constitutes a good food-drop for someone who’s grieving? Something tasty and comforting that’ll make them feel loved. For me, it might be dumplings, a nice soup or a casserole dish. Lasagne would be really nice: they could keep it and eat it over multiple days without thinking about it.

What would be your last meal? Yum cha.

diceytopics@goodweekend.com.au

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